Maddy -Maddou- a gift from above.

Madeline turned 8 on the 8th. But I haven't known her on this earth for quite 8 years yet: she came to our family on the 16th, all pink and perfect.

We had Alex pretty fast after we were married, but for some reason (well, I say "some" but it's because I have PCOS and don't ovulate), we weren't having any more babies. I cried everyday about that, I pleaded, bargained, asked for patience, got mad, everything...but the Lord has His own timing :) After a couple years of no success, we felt that we needed to adopt. I always pictured a little blond hair-blue eyed girl holding my hand and thus thought we would adopt a toddler. It didn't occur to me until Maddy was two, blue eyed, blond curly hair, that SHE was the one I pictured! We waited 3 years for her. We had our first appointment with LDS Social Services in December 1997. We turned in all the paper work (a book of info on us, our life as a couple and blablabla), and got certified in June 98 ...we waited and waited and waited.

Our social worker was a #!%!%%** that didn't do anything for us. We finally got picked by a girl in May 99. She gave me ultra sound pictures of her baby boy and told me she knew he was ours. She had him and kept him...'bout killed me.

Everyone we had talked to had been able to adopt after about a year...not us! After that horrible ordeal of losing that child -I say losing, because my heart broke the same way as if I had miscarried, and it took me a long time to forgive the birth mom, I understood why she kept the child, but not why she had to involve us in her process and hurt us so bad- we had other instances where we didn't get a baby, including one whacked chick who was knocked up for the 4th time, who's boyfriend was in jail and who wanted money from us! But none of them hurt as bad as the first one.

Then one day (and I will cry writing this), I received a call from the agency. They said they possibly had a baby, they were looking at 4 couples, not deciding yet, but there was a legal issue and wanted to know if we were interested. It sounded a bit strange, but I went along and of course, we were interested, but they wanted us to think about it over the week-end. On that Sunday, I was very upset, I felt that that little boy (the case worker never corrected me when I said "he") would not be ours again, that the b-mom would pick another couple again and so forth. On the Monday at 9:00 am, I called the agency and found out they were closed, since it was January 15th, Marin Luther King Day. I figured that it must not have been that serious or they wouldn't have told me to wait over the week-end. On the Tuesday, I called them again first thing anyway, not expecting too much. The intern (our great case worker was out of town, thank goodness, I always felt that he would have messed things up had he been there) took forever to come back on the line when I told him that of course, we would love that baby! He said "oh, great, okay, hmmmmmmmmmmm, hold on..." Then he came back and said "are you sitting down?" "Yes" shakily..."We have a baby for you" "Oh my gosh, it's a boy right?" and then he said "no, it's a girl" (at this point in my life, I didn't know I would become fertile-myrtle and have tons more kids, so I thought that might be my only hope of having a girl). "She was born on Monday the 8th, 6lbs 8oz, 19 3/4 inches and she is soooo cute". I paged Reed right away and he called me back. I told him the best news any expectant adoptive parents can ever receive. He was speechless. He came home right away, after telling his boss the news, who gave him the rest of the week off. We called our dads. Our serious, strong minded fathers both wept when they heard the news of their grand baby, each on the other side of the world. We then had to rush to Walmart. After our first experience with adoption, we didn't want to have anything ready for a baby. I had kind of given up hope, and we had gone back to doctors at that time. So we bought tons of stuff, and people probably thought we were nuts because I wasn't even showing yet ;) We then picked up Alex from school, he was in 1st grade. He had been praying daily for a baby. I told him he was a big brother, he asked me "is she cute?". I assured him that she was gonna be the most beautiful baby girl in the world. We had to be at the agency at 2:00, to sign a bunch of paperwork. We left Alex with my friend Christy and went to get Maddy. After a very long hour of paperwork, we heard a baby cry..."she's here" we were told. We went in the other room where the foster family was waiting for us. They were crying a little, said she was a very special little girl. I felt a little bit bad for them, but not that much! Then they finally handed me my daughter: she looked so familiar, I knew her, she was mine.

Giving birth is amazing, a miracle. Having someone give you a child has no words for it. I never met her birth mom, she wanted a closed adoption. I love that woman, with all my heart. I pray that she is happy and knows deep in her heart that her sacrifice to fulfill my happiness has been recorded. She did more for our family than she will ever know, and when I'm old and finally go back to my Father in Heaven, I will meet her (or wait for her) and hug her and tell her.