Got it going on!

I just feel like I've got good things going on with me:

First of all, I've decided to kill myself. I signed up for a Volleyball league here in Queen Creek. We seem to have a pretty good team, but I'm afraid I'm one of the oldest in the whole league. I think we can beat some other teams, but next week, we play the "Sledgehammers" and the "Bruisers", I think one of them is made of ASU Volleyball Alumni! One girl on our team is 17...I could be her mom. I'm usually a setter, and I can feel my poor little fingers aching after setting for a while, wondering why I am putting them through such torture, after all they've gone through in life: cliff hanging as in grabbing a child by the shirt as he/she falls off the shopping cart; opening birthday gifts as in going through 100 twist-ties behind Barbie's butt and shoes and hair; nipple pinching - not my own, that's not my job; twizering endless splinters and recent chin hair -yes, my own-; typing hundreds of words of blogging, facebooking, emailing (it's tough to stay in touch, it's a full-time job) and so forth. If the ball falls at a reachable distance, I'm there. If it's at a reachable distance requiring a dive (a face plant by now), it's not gonna happen! So that's my first activity, and that's our team shirt, since they lamely call us "team 7", we upgraded ourselves to 007, as in so sneaky, you'd never know we are KILLERS!!!!

Second of all, I decided that I want to jeopardize my eyesight! I'm considering Lasik. I'm not there 100% yet. I went for the free eye exam, where they probe your eye, put it asleep, dilate it so big that I had to avoid the freeway on my way home because if I had been pulled over for any reason, I would have ended up in jail for being a druggie: "pupils are large and driver seems under the influence of some sort of recreational drug...but officer, look at the pamphlet on Lasik they gave me, seriously, I'm not lying."

I read so much about it, I feel very informed. It's just that, it's my eyes! I see blurry, I have 20/30 in my left eye and 20/60 in my right, so it's not that bad. Tommy broke my glasses. They tell me I'll have 20/15 afterwards...but, it's my eyes, I need them to be good for me....

And last, but not least, I decided to go through the humiliation of becoming an American Citizen. The citizenship itself is, of course, the greatest gift that can ever be bestowed upon someone (as it is stated in the documents)...but the process is a bit treacherous. After $675 sent to the Immigration services, I went to be fingerprinted. The security guard, who has probably barely finished elementary school, thinks that he has all powers in the world...and he kinda does: if he thinks you can't come in, then you can't come in! I hadn't seen that you weren't allowed to have any electronic devices with you, including cell phones (Heaven forbid you'd find something else to do during your wasted time in their hands). Since I was too honest (it will kill me to be so freaking honest, I tell ya) and told him I had a phone, he suggested not so nicely that I put it back in my car. I didn't have a car, Reed dropped me off. Anyway, he let me take it, but "don't turn it on"...or what????? But, once you step foot in their presence, you become a sheep and suppress all idea of rebellion, only thus increasing their sense of power! I am now studying for my test of citizenship, on May 26th, at 10:15 ("being late will only compromise your application further...but don't be too early either as seating is limited"). Do you know who was President during WWI? Do you know who the Head of the Supreme Court is? When was the Constitution written? Who is the Speaker of the House? Do you, do you , do you? Well, I do :)