I was looking at Nienie's blog...we all know who she is, right? I never have looked before, because I wasn't following her blog before her accident and following it after wouldn't have been "genuine"...but I kinda wanted to see how she was doing. I know that she's close to Sarah and I've been thinking of our little Sarah having two babies...and that's where I am going: babies! Nienie is baby hungry, after all she's living, she's baby hungry.
When I went to Belgium last month, after my blissful time away from it all, I came home knowing with assurance that my baby days were over. That feeling, that my dear husband has been experiencing for the last 15 years ;) lasted for about one or two days top. It was fun while it lasted! How do you turn that page? I went through years of infertility, adoption and drugs to bring my children (it did take two people to knock me up: a doctor and my husband). But now, I seem to have no problem with fertility (look at Tommy-Surprise) and I almost feel like I'm wasting it!!! I know I need to, want to, turn the page. I'm ready to stay skinny and see my babie's grow. But yet, yet, yet...when I go through my baby's clothes to see what can be passed down to friends or try to sell on Craigslist, it'harder than I want it to be. I have a 16 year old who could make me a grandma in, let's say, 10 years or so...but what if I cannot stand my daughter-in-law? And what if my girls don't want me around either and I don't get to spoil my grand-babies? WAIT, I'm talking GRAND babies, hello!!!! This must really mean that my own baby having days are over ;)))) Ahhh, I feel better now, thanks!
2 comments:
You are a crack up! I can relate to your feelings of guilt. It is a miracle to be able to grow little babies in our tummies and it kind of feels selfish when you decide to turn that switch off...but this life is a journey full of all sorts of experiences and opportunities. I think it's okay to turn pages. If it's not, then I'm in trouble cause my baby days are definitely over---by my own choice. :)
That was a hard one for me. I think you inherited a big bin of clothes/toys around that time. Had myself a good cry in the basement. Lately I've been thinking a lot about a baby (in pink) :). But of course, I think I am more in love with the IDEA of a baby than the actual work of it! It took a while to come to terms w/ the end of that phase of my life. Knowing that even the opportunity wouldn't come (confirmed nonchalantly by a doctor), but I do love this phase too & my mom says it just keeps getting better. Soon enough there will be other babies to hold (the kind I can love up and then send home when I want a good night's sleep.)
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